GREATEST HITS AND GATEKEEPERS
”THE [NIHILISTS], STUNNED, CONFER AMONGST THEMSELVES.”
It’s rare to find an album that is a straight ten-out-of-ten, all-bangers-no-mash. They’re nigh mythical, not exactly something you can just wander down to the local record store and just discover. Sure, you might know where to look, and you might have all the time in the world to flip through crates, but you could still come up short. All of the conditions have to be just right for it to surface and show you its belly. That album has to find you.
It is for those times that the music industry has gifted us with a controversial sonic jewel: the GREATEST HITS album.
The Greatest Hits record may seem like a lazy, easy, cash-grab of an album to introduce the world to an artist - but it can also be so much more than that. To a young kid flipping through his best friend's step-dad’s albums (that we were absolutely not allowed to touch under any circumstances,) the Greatest Hits became a speed run through an artist’s library, showcasing a career diversity not heard on one single album. The Greatest Hits was an introduction into a new world. A certain track would draw you in, a starting point on a treasure map to the album on which that track dwelled.
Greatest Hits albums are some of - if not the most - accessible albums to the musically un-snobby public. These are records that serve as an invitation and a greeting, a good reference for the friend who replies, “I’ve heard of this band, I don’t know much about them. I want to try and get into them, but I don’t know where to start.” The Greatest Hits album is also a crowd-pleaser, useful for those times when you have an eclectic group of friends over, all who have experienced different access points into this particular artist’s canon. Although to some it may seem too safe, the Greatest Hits is an easy and convenient common denominator.1
It’s easy to understand why Greatest Hits albums would have their share of elitists, naysayers, and gatekeepers, and it often feels like one has to tread lightly as to not stir and agitate their egos. To these highbrow enthusiasts, the very nature of the Greatest Hits album is akin to sacrilege to the carefully constructed ethos of their favorite artist. The Greatest Hits threaten to destabilize the nucleus of the artist’s atom, making it easier for posers and blasphemers to enter the temple without first having sledged through the pilgrimage of years of bangers, mids, and flops that came before it. Album elitists fear that these Philistines will trash the temple.
You know, trashed like the time in high school when these Gatekeepers got caught throwing a parents-are-out-of-town party, and as punishment, daddy didn’t buy them that new Camaro. That poor child then grows into the Musical Gatekeeper, not because they wanted to, but because they were destined to. That’s right, the Greatest Hits is a physical embodiment of how their dad will never love them. To those who distrust the Gatekeepers, fear not, for they shall spend eternity at the gate, merely wishing they could enter themselves, foolishly imposing the responsibility upon themselves to impede another’s path. Anyway.
The concept of the Greatest Hits album has evolved over time, it is fluid as it is elusive. These days, it’s more commonly referred to as the “THIS IS [ARTIST]” playlist, and I’m willing to bet that all of the Gatekeepers out there listen to those playlists quite often. We all do - again, it’s convenient, and it’s this convenience that aggravates the Gatekeeper. Art isn’t meant to be kept, it is meant to be experienced by everyone. Art shapes the very core of our being. It permeates every level of self and influences every aspect of our lives, for better or worse. It’s meant to be participatory and it’s meant to be shared.
So anyway, here’s March.
“THE LOCUSTS KEEP THEIR RHYTHM”
MARCH 1 - THE CULT - ELECTRIC, “LOVE REMOVAL MACHINE”
MARCH 2 - THE DISTILLERS - CORAL FANG, “HALL OF MIRRORS”
MARCH 3 - FOGHAT - FOOL FOR THE CITY, “SLOW RIDE”
MARCH 4 - KANSAS - LEFTÖVERTURE, “CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON”
MARCH 5 - DESCENDENTS - MILO GOES TO COLLEGE, “SUBURBAN HOME”
MARCH 6 - CHIODOS - ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL, “BABY, YOU WOULDN’T LAST A MINUTE ON THE CREEK”
MARCH 7 - STONE TEMPLE PILOTS - NO. 4, “DOWN”
MARCH 8 - THE OFFSPRING - CONSPIRACY OF ONE, “ORIGINAL PRANKSTER”
MARCH 9 - FATLIP - THE LONELIEST PUNK, “TODAY’S YOUR DAY (WHACHAGONEDU?)”
MARCH 10 - HEART - DREAMBOAT ANNIE, “CRAZY ON YOU”
MARCH 11 - NOi!SE - THE REAL ENEMY, “THE WAR INSIDE”
MARCH 12 - BAD RELIGION - SUFFER, “SUFFER”
MARCH 13 - OL’ DIRTY BASTARD - RETURN TO THE 36 CHAMBERS: THE DIRTY VERSION, “SHIMMY SHIMMY YA”
MARCH 14 - THIN LIZZY - JAILBREAK, “THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN”
MARCH 15 - THE JIMI HENDRIX EXPERIENCE - ARE YOU EXPERIENCED?, “FOXY LADY”
MARCH 16 - THE WHO - THE WHO’S GREATEST HITS (1983), “MY GENERATION”
MARCH 17 - ROLLINS BAND - LIFE TIME, “WRECK-AGE”
MARCH 18 - KING GIZZARD AND THE LIZARD WIZARD - K.G., “HONEY”
MARCH 19 - RY COODER - GET RHYTHM, “ALL SHOOK UP”
MARCH 20 - TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS - GREATEST HITS (1993), “MARY JANE’S LAST DANCE”
MARCH 21 - ALICE COOPER - GREATEST HITS (1974), “NO MORE MR. NICE GUY”
MARCH 22 - EVERY TIME I DIE - LOW TEENS, “MAP CHANGE”
MARCH 23 - AIR - MOON SAFARI, “LA FEMME D’ARGENT”
MARCH 24 - THE CARS - GREATEST HITS (1985), “JUST WHAT I NEEDED”
MARCH 25 - BRITNEY SPEARS - …BABY ONE MORE TIME, “(YOU DRIVE ME) CRAZY”
MARCH 26 - AMY WINEHOUSE, BACK TO BLACK, “REHAB”
MARCH 27 - BOSTON - BOSTON, “FOREPLAY / LONG TIME”
MARCH 28 - LED ZEPPELIN - LED ZEPPELIN, “COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN”
MARCH 29 - NEW YORK DOLLS - RED PATENT LEATHER, “PIRATE LOVE”
MARCH 30 - TOWER OF POWER - BACK TO OAKLAND, “SQUIB CAKES”
MARCH 31 - STEVE MILLER BAND - FLY LIKE AN EAGLE, “TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN”
I’ll surface again sometime next month with another list. I’ve also curated a playlist of each of the aforementioned favorite tracks from each album. You can listen to that here. Skål, scalawags.
In Hesh we trust,
S. Jones
Easier. Convenience. The bane of it all…